So today I finally got my new baby. I’ve been talking about saving money for a new laptop the past year and the year before, and I was finally able to follow through with it. My mom agreed to split the cost with me, so for the past five months I’ve been saving half of my meager earnings so I can finally buy a laptop. I was even lucky that mom lived in the States, so buying a Macbook Pro was relatively cheaper compared to buying it in the Philippines. Even luckier, we pooled the money around the time of the Black Friday sale, so I got a huge discount on it 🙂
I decided to name him Pandora, nicknamed Panda. He’s bisexual, like me (of course). Why Pandora? Well, the cheesy explanation is this: I used to hate all things Apple (hence, like Pandora, I saw it as an evil), but when I started using one in the office, I realized that what people were raving about was true—it really was a convenience. So therein lies the hope. Oh my ghad, now that I’ve typed it, I realized it’s the ultimate cheese. So to make up for it, I’ll name it Panda.
Anyway, Panda’s also my symbol of hope. 2011 was kind of a rough year for me. I’ve been hopping from extreme happiness to extreme sadness one after another. I quit my job, found another one that was supposed to make me happy, quit it months after because the company couldn’t pay me, found a job at my dream workplace but was let go after my probation period.
It was a huge blow, mainly because the reasons given were something I couldn’t come to terms with. After my evaluation I felt like a huge thorn was lodged on my ego—I always thought I was good at writing, but it turns out I wasn’t. Not good enough. Honestly, I’m at the lowest point right now. All my confidence has been stripped from me, and I’m questioning all of my abilities. I have such a huge dream, but now I’m unsure if I can make it into a reality.
But Panda’s giving me hope. It might sound crazy, putting your faith into an inanimate object, but just looking at his shiny exterior makes me think that I can still do great things, as long as I work hard for it. This, too, shall pass.
I can start over.
And as part of the new beginning, I’ll try to update my blog as often as I can again. I think the only way to get better at writing is to exhaust myself stringing words, and that’s what I’ll try to do. My muse has been imprisoned way too long at the back of my brain; laziness has overcome him.
But maybe it’s time to let him out?
Here’s to hoping. And moving on.