Moving on.

Meet Panda!

So today I finally got my new baby. I’ve been talking about saving money for a new laptop the past year and the year before, and I was finally able to follow through with it. My mom agreed to split the cost with me, so for the past five months I’ve been saving half of my meager earnings so I can finally buy a laptop. I was even lucky that mom lived in the States, so buying a Macbook Pro was relatively cheaper compared to buying it in the Philippines. Even luckier, we pooled the money around the time of the Black Friday sale, so I got a huge discount on it 🙂

I decided to name him Pandora, nicknamed Panda. He’s bisexual, like me (of course). Why Pandora? Well, the cheesy explanation is this: I used to hate all things Apple (hence, like Pandora, I saw it as an evil), but when I started using one in the office, I realized that what people were raving about was true—it really was a convenience. So therein lies the hope. Oh my ghad, now that I’ve typed it, I realized it’s the ultimate cheese. So to make up for it, I’ll name it Panda.

Anyway, Panda’s also my symbol of hope. 2011 was kind of a rough year for me. I’ve been hopping from extreme happiness to extreme sadness one after another. I quit my job, found another one that was supposed to make me happy, quit it months after because the company couldn’t pay me, found a job at my dream workplace but was let go after my probation period.

It was a huge blow, mainly because the reasons given were something I couldn’t come to terms with. After my evaluation I felt like a huge thorn was lodged on my ego—I always thought I was good at writing, but it turns out I wasn’t. Not good enough. Honestly, I’m at the lowest point right now. All my confidence has been stripped from me, and I’m questioning all of my abilities. I have such a huge dream, but now I’m unsure if I can make it into a reality.

But Panda’s giving me hope. It might sound crazy, putting your faith into an inanimate object, but just looking at his shiny exterior makes me think that I can still do great things, as long as I work hard for it. This, too, shall pass.

I can start over.

And as part of the new beginning, I’ll try to update my blog as often as I can again. I think the only way to get better at writing is to exhaust myself stringing words, and that’s what I’ll try to do. My muse has been imprisoned way too long at the back of my brain; laziness has overcome him.

But maybe it’s time to let him out?

Here’s to hoping. And moving on.

Like a mom.

Because I’ve lost my independence streak (I got hospitalized, and my dad paid the bills. I got a new job, and its pay days are different from the usual 15&30, therefore, I had to ask for money for transpo and such), I’m trying to make up for it by channeling my non-existent budgeting skills so I can save up for my laptop, which I’ve been hungering for since last year. My mom agreed to split the bill, and she suggested it’d be better if I buy in the States, as gadgets are cheaper there.

So my biggest goal for the year is to save money, not just for the laptop, but also for emergency purposes. Maybe I can even save enough to move out. (Oh, my dreams!)

Anyway, being the paranoid freak that I am, I decided to estimate how much I would be able to save and how much money would be left for me after deducting my expenses. LOL I’m like a mom now, geez. Anyway, here’s a table:

Estimated net pay: Php11,500

Expenses:

Fare per day (I commute to work): Php71 x 22 (usual working days) = P1,562/mo

Smart Bro Internet: Php1,000

Cable: Php280

Total estimated expenses: Php2,842

Estimated Pay – Expenses = Php8,658

Which leaves me with…

Php5,000/mo for my laptop fund

and

Php3,658/mo for additional expenses.

– –

Yeah, you might say, 3k?! That’s not enough! Well, I’ll make it enough for me. That means I have to lessen my shopping (which I don’t do, anyway) and most especially, I NEED TO STOP GOING TO RESTAURANTS AND BINGING ON FOOD WITH MOOKIE. Do you feel the torture?

Huh, maybe it’ll do some good with my bulging stomach. (Dream on, Kitty)

Hello, Goodbye.

It’s three days after the new year and all I can offer is a look back on the year that was and a few goals I’m setting. Seriously, my backlog is pathetic. I can’t even blog my thoughts on time. Haha. Anyway, here goes.

Last 2010 I,

• spent my first month with the love of my universe
• successfully organized a lot of programs, including Love Notes, with the greatest org in the world, the Thomasian Writers Guild
• got the most beautiful bouquet of white roses, for the first time, on Valentine’s Day (and it was only the beginning of a whole bunch more)
• graduated!
• spent the night with my special someone in the beach (and he took care of me the whole night I had a fever)
• had two months of relaxation with myself and my friends before facing the challenge of looking for a job
• got rejected by a mag that I really wanted to be part of. A few months later, I realized that I wouldn’t have enjoyed it very much, anyway. I wouldn’t really have fit in.
• got accepted in a job that initially made me proud, but in the end only made me stick with it because of the great people and my need for money
• on the plus side, it gave me the chance to go to Hong Kong, albeit alone. O_O
• I also took a lot of crap just so I can be published, but at the end of it all, when I read my “articles” on print, it made me feel empty because those weren’t really my words
• I fought with my sister, and after a lot of advice from people, learned that I should just keep my mouth shut and take it all in stride, for the good of all mankind
• spent my first Christmas without my grandfather, Tatay :c, but
• I was also able to visit my mom’s relatives whom I haven’t seen in years
• spent most of my paycheck on food, and bought stuff for myself using my hard-earned money
• bought my dad AND my sister gifts for Christmas, using MY money

Lastly, I celebrated my first anniversary with the love of my universe. I ended 2010 with him, and I also started 2011 with him. It was sheer joy.

This year certainly had its ups and downs. So many things have happened, and not all of them were good, but I’m still thankful for everything. Each con had its pro, and for every heartache, I managed to turn it into something to smile about. However,

This 2011 I vow to,

• write more and update my blog as often as possible
• put more original stuff on Tumblr (because it’s always surreal to see strangers reblog your work) — ang babaw ko ba? Oh well.
• get a new job that (hopefully) doesn’t make me miserable
• save up enough money so I can buy my own laptop
• read more books, buy more books
• be a better girlfriend, sister and daughter
• love Mookie even more
• and lastly, take more risks, gain more confidence and do the things I normally think I cannot do

Whew! Those lists were pretty long! But I really hope I can do all these things, seeing as they’re not humanly impossible. Heck, I even want to do the third as soon as possible! Haha, but I know that it will come. I just have to be prepared to make the leap. 🙂